Illness and death of my father

Illness and death of my father
Friday February 01, 2008

Dear Alice Miller,
my father died when I was 11, because of a cancer, and his illness lasted 2 years. Now I am 25. I remember that I didn’t understand what was really happening, also because my family didn’t tell me what was the situation like, that is I remember many scenes, but I don’t remember anyone who spoke with me about that problem, trying to understand what my feelings could be. Especially when my father entered a coma they told me he was sleeping, and I didn’t gave it much importance. I’ll be very pleased to know if, in your opinion, this experience in my life may be considered as much important as all the various forms of abuse, and if, in the psychoanalysis therapy that I started one month ago, it would be right to begin to elaborate this trauma, before starting to consider the forms of abuse.

Thank you for your answer and for your work, that I appreciate very much. S.

AM: You can only start from the place where you actually ARE and not where you THINK that you should be. You are looking for the feeling of the small child that was abandoned by the father and nobody gave you any information, nobody saw your suffering. Can you FEEL your suffering now about being not SEEN?