A symbiotic relationship 1
Monday July 06, 2009
Dear Ms Miller
I am 34 and I have recently started my journey for freedom from my depressed mother who forced me to live out her aspirations at the neglect of my true self. I have been working on this for 2 years now with a wonderful therapist. Just recently I have discovered your work which has been an enormous help for me. The Drama of the Gifted Child had me up all night, weeping, and it brought me closer to understanding the depth of my pain and rage. Thank you for helping me to experience the truth of my life.
I have a question that I would really appreciate your views on. My partner has night epilepsy which I was first diagnosed when he was 14. He takes medication which ‘controls’ the fits. He considers his child hood a very happy one with a supportive mother and father. I have never said anything to him but I think he has enormous rage at his narcissistic mother who smothered him to fill her emotional void and a father than failed to properly validate him. Your ideas in the Body Never Lies make a lot of sense to me but I don’t think he would be open to them at this stage.
The issue for me is that when I lie next to him at night when he is asleep, I feel an electric current running from his brain into mine. I think I am feeling the epileptic activity in his brain that he is not experiencing because the medication is masking his awareness of it. At first it kept me awake all night and left me feeling completely depleted and exhausted. I have learnt to shut down from it a bit but it still feels parasitic and makes me apprehensive about sleeping next to him. I was wondering if you help me to understand this. Have you heard of this before? I know this is not just my imagination because I experienced it strongly in our early times together before I knew he was an epileptic. I feel it may be that my parasitic mother made me sensitive to being used in this way and now I am repeating this with my partner. I love him and I want to be open and loving but I want to be misused any longer. Can you help me understand it so I can begin to free myself?
AM: You are writing: I love him and I want to be open and loving but I WANT to be misused any longer. Do you think that this mistake can have any meaning?