W need the rage as a compass

W need the rage as a compass
Monday January 04, 2010

Dear Alice Miller,

I wanted to wish you a Happy New year,

Also, I am very lost. Read all your books. Body never lies is very special to me.
In it, you speak of a man, Andre. I had the same faith as Andre!
Was not molested, but lived captiv of my dependancy of an alcoholic father and a depressed or repressed mother, never available to mirror my needs, my feelings of despair, solitude and terror.
Lived in the basement of my father’s house, complying to his every need, but him, never avalaible to nurture my personnal needs. Am very mad at myself for being so blind, for so many years. How can I regain my self-esteem?
Cannot bear to visit my selfish parents…
Don’t know how to kill my rage? (I started to write to my mother, letters I will not send her; helps a little bit).

I’ve decided not to speak to my girlfriend about my inner feelings of hate and hatred against my parents, because she gets very mad, so our couple suffers… So, in return, I’ve decided to call my mother, but my father took the phone. Invited me to supper, I declined! He was not happy, but I am still afraid of him, can’t find my ideas or my feelings when I speak to him!

I don’t live in his house no more.

Talked to my mother for an hour, was like talking to a iceberg for a century!
No feelings, no heartwarming feeling, just disgust, pain and no understanding.

I am 41 years old! I cannot find in my-Self a loving witness! I counted on my parents for 40 years. Nill! Girlfriends: have limitations. Therapists: it’s very painstaking.

Do you have anny suggestions?

Thank you so much for your books, your interwiews, your web site.

AM: You are writing: “Am very mad at myself for being so blind, for so many years”. If you stop to being mad at yourself (you had no choice) and wanting to “kill your rage” many things may turn to the better. You shouldn’t kill your rage, you NEED it as your compass. But you must direct it toward the people who deserve it. Why should you talk to an iceberg?