Ending Relationship with Parents
Monday February 04, 2008
Dear Alice Miller,
I have no words to express my heartfelt gratitude for and appreciation of your unprecedented work on child abuse.
By getting to know your work, for the first time in my life, I feel a strong hope that I could be healed and whole some day.
And I do realize that I should end my life long, subtly manipulative, controlling, and, definitely, utterly harmful relationship with my parents for that purpose.
But the problem is that my parents have no idea of what they’ve done to me for 37 years of my life. They are so ignorant of thier behaviors and the consequences, right now they are completely perplexed by my attempts to disconnet from them. This makes me feel greatly guilty.
However, this time I am very determined to have my life back, discover my true identity, and pursue my own happiness.
Therefore my question is how I achieve my goal to completely free from their destrutive influence on my life? Shoud I write a long letter to them? Or just ignoring and not responding to their calls? And how do I explain this decision of mine to my daughter who genuinely loves her grandparents? What is the best way she won’t be hurt by this experience?
I’d appreciate your answer.
Thank you once more from the bottom of my heart.
AM: This is your RIGHT answer: “However, this time I am very determined to have my life back, discover my true identity, and pursue my own happiness.” You must take it seriously, your body needs your determination. It will not wait until your parents understand. If they could, then everything would have happened differently. Nobody can force you to answer calls that you don’t want to, since you are no longer a child.