Thank You Alice
Wednesday August 22, 2007
I’m writing to thank you for, and congratulate you on your work. I have read both “The Drama of the Gifted Child” and “The Body Never Lies”. They both helped me tremendously. Thank you for your insight, your dedication, perseverance and courage. I wrote a dialogue to my parents and it was pretty shocking. In it I hated them and despised them. I wanted them dead and I wanted to pull the trigger. It was sobering, shocking, and yet I said to myself “Yeah, it’s true” as I wrote “I was an abused child. They never loved me. They still don’t love me. They don’t even know me, or care to know me.” I was neglected, ignored, threatened, humiliated, tormented, mocked, exploited, emasculated, and made to think that I was socially inept. And all this lay beneath the guise of “Oh my childhood wasn’t so bad.” So why did I cry so much when I wrote “I just wanted to be with you. I just wanted you to see me. Just once.” They both had next to zero self esteem and I see now that I was their parent, I gave unconditionally to them hoping someday they’d see me. It’s no wonder my dealings with them are only out of guilt and “social obligations.”
At the time I thought this example funny, but now it makes me very sad: After 10 years as an engineer (my job) in the semiconductor industry my mom said to me “you’re in quality control.” I said, “No, mom I do …” After a few minutes of explaining what I actually do she looked me in the eye and responded “so you’re in quality control.” I didn’t know how to respond. Did she not hear me? Not listen? Not care? Is she dumb? Am I invisible? Is anyone there? What the hell is going on? How can this be? She didn’t see me. She didn’t want to understand. She nullified my existence. I might as well not have been there. A doll that did what she wanted would be better – a doll with strings she could pull. What I feel now about it is almost unbearable. A little boy could not have survived feeling like that every day as I most assuredly did. Thank you for explaining that to me. Thank you for your great gift to society.
Sincerely, G., MN USA
AM: Thank you for your moving letter. It is almost unbearable for a child not to be seen, not to be listened to; he must deny this knowledge. Most people continue it for their whole lives. But you decided to feel the pain, and it is good for you. Now, nobody can hurt you in this way again because YOU listen to yourself. Congratulations.