The felt anger

The felt anger
Sunday August 16, 2009

Dearest Alice Miller:

I wish I had the perfect thing to say in my expression of thanks. You are brilliant and rare. You give me such guidance and hope.
I have a history of abuse and left home at a very young age. I am the oldest of 6 and am completely estranged from the family who is afraid of me because I was angry and indignant for them more than myself for so many years. My only sister died of a drug overdose. I took my father to court etc etc. You have helped me so very much to see what has hurt me more than the abuse—the further isolation from a “family” and culture who turn their face away, force forgiveness and “get on with it” attitude. That has hurt me more than anything – to be blamed because I was angry, scapegoated because I was angry, blamed over and above because I divorced my parents and then my brothers for their treatment of me for my choice. Oh you don’t need to hear the whole pathetic story, goodness what a mess
I have come a long way but am plagued by being alone and isolated, STILL at 52. I just bought “FREE FROM LIES” and feel very hopeful. I am a physical therapist a breathworker and feldenkrais practitioner, I have sought help from very intelligent people but they do not have the CLARITY that you do in strong support of the child who endured the invasion of abuse in lieu of formulating a sense of self. I truly believe the angriest among us, in a way, have the greatest ability to cause a shift. I want to rally them together to use that energy for change. But first I must save myself.
I’m not sure how clear I have been. There’s so much I want to say to you. I have read all your books. I have not had children for fear of hurting them. I am no longer angry but still awaken with a void.
I send you my heart felt thanks. SF, USA

AM: You are writing: “I truly believe the angriest among us, in a way, have the greatest ability to cause a shift.” I agree with you. It seems that the child’s fear of his/her anger toward the abuseres hinders us to feel it. But the FELT anger is usually not destructive, it is reveiling and makes positive changes possible.