Dealing with incomplete memories
Monday February 25, 2008

Dear Alice and Barbara,

Thank you so much for your encouraging words in reply to mt last letter (“Two Years Later”, Jan. 21). I can’t even begin to describe how important your feedback is to me. No one has ever stood on my side as you do.
… … …

I feel lost with all those uncertainties and I can hardly remember anything from the first years of my life. My whole body aches when I write about it. Do you have an idea how I can help myself to remember more? How important is it to actually remember everything?

Thank you so much for your courage and insight. N.

AM: Probably your memories will become more and more clear once your fear of blaming your mother and hence your need to protect her will lessen. Memories can come in dreams, they can also show themselves in the way you are feeling today when confronted with lies, pretensions and abuse. Since you are ready now to see your past without illusions, the doors will open with time, on their own space. But the access is always the present: the sorrow, the rage, the shame. The path from fear to courage may seem too long for the little boy, but now he will be protected by the adult he became and will thus succeed.

Thank you, Alice: for your guidance, sensitivity, and insight. Your reply gives me strength, patience, and confidence. N.