Saturday March 14, 2009
Dear Alice Miller,
In the last 3 year I have been started reclaiming my life thanks to your work, your books and your website. I was emotionally, physically and sexually abused by my parents in childhood, and when I reached adulthood I was a broken person. My healing process is very painful ant torturing, and sometimes it looks like it will never come to its end, because my childhood’s horrors were endless, but on the other hand I already taste the fruit of success. In these years I have lost over 15 Kg without any effort, I got completely rid of chronic backache I suffered from since I was 19, and the depression I suffered from all of my life turned into emotional storm, which makes me feel much more alive. In addition, I can identify much better what I REALY want, what is suitable for me. This is a whole new feeling and I still find it hard for me to trust it.
Recently I have started looking for a therapist, according to your eye-opening recommendations. I asked the candidates many questions, and I could not believe how much resistance my direct questions aroused. Not even one of the therapists I have met would discuss with me my relevant questions. Most of them evade it and made me feel I was rude and “cross the line”. This is such a despairing experience.
A friend suggested that I will go for a feminist therapy, which I had no idea what it meant, so I read some updated articles about feminist therapy, and I spoke to some therapist who identify themselves as feminists, and disappointedly I realize that they were not familiar with your work. Moreover: they are trapped so deeply in their gender-agenda, that they see incest as a crime against women instead of a crime against children. In their eyes, the feminist perspective is the only explanation for the silencing of incest and sexual abuse in society. They are totally blind to the wide injustice and evil toward CHILDREN, as the most helpless and unprotected population. They take it all as a matter of gender, of a crimes male commit against female and therefore being silenced. This is so enraging and frustrating! It makes me really angry. How can one take the most important revolution of the 20’s century, and use it in such a manipulative way to keep escaping the truth? I wrote about it to one of the well-known feminist writers in my country, but she did not reply.
Thank you for your courage and honesty. Thank you for saving my life, G.
p.s.: you may publish this letter in your website if you find it helpful for others.
AM: thank you for your letter, I am so glad for you that you have widely open eyes and have the courage to check the courage of the therapists you are talking to so that you will not become a victim of illusions. You can check 20 of them, probably you will get the same answers, full of avoidance but maybe you will find eventually somebody who will answer your questions honestly. If not you learned a lot, and you can benefit from this experience. Concerning the feminist therapists I agree with you completely. I wrote already 30 yours ago that females can abuse their babies, infants and small children with a total impunity, nobody controls them. They can take on their children all the humiliations they suffered from men in our society. Later, their sons who “love” their mothers can transfer their rage onto their dauthers or other women or make war and rape women but still adore, defend, and respect their mothers because what they suffered as small children steys unconscious, totally repressed. And many o0f us seem to need for a long time the illusion of having had a wonderful mother. You are right, the tragedy begins with the mother that is protected by all societies and honored in most religions as the innocent sainte. In German exist already some books that broke with this tabou but for the English publications you must look at Google. The book by Bass and Davis is very helpful for victims of sexual child abuse but unfortunately the authors who are feminists write that only very few women abuse children. That is absolutely not true. There are apparently also women pedophile who live with boys of 10 to 12 year old and say that this is (for them!!!) a beautiful ” relationship”. Not to be aware of using children to revange the own trama and ruining their lives is not only the atitude of men but of both genders as long as child abuse remains an issue avoided by the whole ignorant society.