The right title
Wednesday July 15, 2009
Dear Alice Miller,
I am curious why you think that I did not understand
your answer. I fully agreed with your answer that
the cause of denial is the fear from the parent’s
agression/abuse that were already born to defend
their [the parents] flight from their truth.
All what I claimed was that my writing did not
state at all that intellectualisation is the cause of denial
[but rather it is the consequence of it].
Therefore your comment stating that intellectualization is
not the cause of denial – that is certainly true-
does not refer to my writing as it did not state such
thing. I consider that your comment is an independent
and important addition to my thoughts.
However, in its current state it might be rather confusing as it
makes the impression that in my writing I suggest
that intellectualisation is the cause of denial.
I would appreciate if you could point to the pertaining part of
my argument from which you concluded that I did not
understand your answer.
Related to the lethal consequences of denial, very recenlty
I saw a British movie entitled ‘Hilary and Jackie’.
It was about the life of the extraordinarily gifted chello player
Jacquline du Pre. Even though the movie did not reveal her
true childhood story, there were some key sentences stating
that her musical gift awakened only admiration in people instead of
love. ‘If I don’t play the chello, am I nobody?’-she asked. Her unsuccesful
attemps to be loved and to be understood were failing and she got a lethal disesase, schelosis multiplex and eventually died of it.
It was a deeply moving and sad story from the perspective
of the abandoned child within her. The cry and suffering of her
inner child broke up in the very painful and eloquent voice of her chello
plays [eg. the Elgar piece] . But nobody [incuding herself, J. du Pre]
could hear the voice of the sufferings of the abandoned child within her
and provide love instead of admiration…
I find that denial operating in people surrounding her make them deaf
to hear the pain of the heart and blind to distinguish
admiration from love.
AM: I didn’t question your observation of intellectual blinders, I only wanted to make an addition by mentioning the fear as the cause of the flight from the painful memories. But now we changed the title according to your wish, and it is okay for us.