I am not guilty!
Wednesday August 06, 2008
Still struggeling with severing completely the terribly dangerous pathological bonding that my mother forced me to have with her. Sixteen months since I decided to finísh this horror of having a relationship with my torturer. I have been in the process of healing all my life, trying to finísh this relationship but pity for the torturer and the guilt she always made me feel as a victim, never allowed me to cut off. I am 54. She was already exploiting that guilt in the role of “poor old woman”, still ready to hurt me in any way she could. The reading of your books 20 years ago started me on the cutting this sadistic person out of my life. I discovered and felt the real terror in me about angering her. All kinds of excuses came to me to keep the relationship, even just as protocol. I went through the trap of forgiveness and leaving the “poor woman” was felt as a crime on my side. BUT AT LAST I got free. My health, my energy, my looks keep getting better. My relationship with people and the World is changing rapidly. Feel like a child that has love and is growing, love from herself and the adult. Yes my torturer suffered a lot in the Spanish civil war and post war. Surely lots of people were guilty of her suffering. I gave a poor little child victim to her suffering. For my suffering only she is guilty. The verdict is guilty. The sentence 20 years in prison that she will never get. But me, I WILL ALWAYS REMAIN BESIDE THE LITTLE GIRL INSIDE ME AND WILL NEVER LET THAT HORROR GET NEAR ME EVER AGAIN. Without your books and this Web I Would have never made it. My love to you and your coleagues. P from Spain.
AM: Thank you for your letter. I admire your determination, your clarity and courage to think. Yes, you finally understand that you are not guilty for the civil war, even if they wanted you to feel guilty for everything. Bravo!