Monday August 20, 2007
From a mistreated, humiliated ,abused sexually and beaten child…P. …is my name.
I have read most of Alice Miller’s books and they all depict what had happened to me as a child, pure, beautiful, with energy and who learnt self-destruction, for the expected love that never came from that Monster who was my grand-mother. I have recently painted her (oil canvas) and learnt much of what really happened to me and how she secretly or with the permission of my parents (my mother was often sick of depression when I was little so), I don’t know all , but I now have a therapist who can bring me in that childhood state with EMDR trauma therapy and I use Focusing. .all mentioned in Alice Miller’s books. I am very fond of Alice, and thank her for shedding all that light on the Illusion of being loved. What a joke and disgust to think that this monster loved me. She would put me in the closet to punish me, manipulate me , keep me in fear of her and in the dark, abuse me on the bed, and hit me ,beating me constantly.. The oil canvas I have done, well I have burnt it and saw her burn away, this was the funeral I had wished for her,(she died when I was 6 in 1965) after all those memories hidden from me from my parents . I was left ALONE,, yes ALONE…you ! must understand what a very difficult state to be all these years…but the Monster is out of the bag ,,I feel more and more free…I wanted you to know that MY body also NEVER lies…like your last book…..accept this testimony that yes the 4th commandment is out of reality, that the Illusion of being loved is the same and that I know I have a kind witness to those atrocities being done on the drama …of the gifted child….ME beloved I am,,,beloved I am
AM: Thank you for your testimony. I am glad that you feel freer after you decided to face your terrible truth. You have much courage but I am sure that once you have done this work you will feel much better – provided that your therapists have also the courage you have and will not try to feed you with illusions and moralistic “consolations”.