Aggression out of denial
Saturday February 14, 2009
Dear Mrs. Miller,
I have always firmly believed in your views, I feel they are the truth, at least my truth. I am sure this is the same for many other readers. Your views have steered us away from denial, helped us regain our authentic feelings and in doing so showed us the way out of a damaged childhood with new chances for the future. Some people attack this truth and I find that very difficult to bear. For many of us it has taken years to feel confidence in a better life for ourselves and for our children. There are poeple who damage this confidence and that is what makes me angry!
I myself am the moderator of a Dutch forum for children of narcisstic parents. In this forum I advocate your views. As a moderator I will intervene when people advocate the poisonous pedagogy or the therapies that are related to it. This has resulted in personal attacks from members. It has made me realize how damaged some people are because of their personal history. It is exactly the rage that comes out of denial. Isn’t it the suppressed rage that is aimed at damaging other people? Isn’t it the same rage that our parents have used against us?
Because of these happenings I sometimes wonder it I should carry on with “my” forum.
You can publish this message on your forum if you wish to do so.
AM: Thank you for your thoughtfull letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desparate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by immitating the behavior of own parents from the position of “power” (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don’tt enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can’t be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.