Need a help. . .
Tuesday January 16, 2007
i feel alone, i realized and feel “everything” during this christmas holiday… i was in my flat, i thought i became crazy, insane, it was so frightened, pure terror, my eyes were wide open like a big cry of terror, rage and i was alone, and i couldn’t call anyone.
my mother naturally could not understand, she’s the last person that can help me!!!
my boy could not support me (he’s wonderful but he can’t, he’s very open minded, he worked a lot on himself for years, but not enough for this thing it happened to me)
my father is dead (when i was 5)
my therapist could not understand, she would not support me (cause she didn’t go to see & feel her personal hell, now i know!)
i tryed to do a little bit of yoga and vipassana, during that terrible days (alone).
my mom & dad, my aunt & oncle (nurse&doctor!!!!), my grand mother (depressed and punitive), now i know, never loved me. even if i was born healty (i thought i was born weak!!!), whith a good energy, i passed my childhood with punitions, injections, cliysters, operation in hospital, duties, because they thought i was a toy that doesn’t work…. i needed only love and warm embracement to get healty.
they killed me!! they started killing me even when i was inside my mom, she wanted to abort, she told me, cause i feel it and some month ago i asked her about it.
now i’m trying to come out of this hell… what i need is someone that could understand me… i find your book (the drama) three days before the hell, by chance, looking for another book. it was my only warm friend during this period, it helped me not to became crazy!! thank you
and now what can i do? i pass my days at home, i’m like a newborn
nobody was here whith me, and in italy i feel alone, i don’t know how to choose a new therapist (i don’t wont to choose using the yellow pages!!) i know you don’t have any name to provide but do you know an italian association where i can find help?
an italian web site?
is also difficult to me to write about it in a foreign language but i’ll do if it’s necessary.
PLEASE, HELP ME
AM: We don’t have any lists of therapists. I hope that my last articles will help you to understand the small abandoned and tortured girl you once were that now, fortunately, starts to feel. If you try to understand and to love her, you can help her more than traditional therapists can do.