Monday November 03, 2008
Dear Ms Miller,
One of the amazing things i have noticed since starting to read your books,
and embarking on ‘attachment psychotherapy’ 4 years ago, is my general
of awareness. I feel much more awake in the world and it seems to me that i
spent much of my childhood, adolescence and adulthood in a strange, sleepy
state. In a way, frozen by my hurt and confusion over the lack of love and
care in my upbringing, and unable to deal with the world consciously,
All this has undoubtedly been good. however, on my searching and sometimes
explosive path in therapy, i lost the company of my confused peers. perhaps
this was part of the necessary growth at the time. but i feel i have even less
company, as i approach the end of this process. i feel to change this will
take some more radical changes in my life – moving, for example, to a place i
would feel more relaxed in and to get away from at least some of my more
destructive past. however, those around me, including my therapist, are less
keen on this.
anyway, i was wondering in your many years of experience and thought on such
matters if you felt this increased isolation was usual, at least as a phase? i
am wondering because i feel my therapist thinks i should have better
‘relationships’ with new peoople but actually most relationships that
open to me have little attraction and i actually feel happier as i am.
I would like to add that your website and books have been invaluable to me.
AM: Everything you write makes sense to me. Waking up emotionally may make you feel more alone but this state of aloneness is not new, it has existed probably since your childhood. Now you can FEEL it. And by feeling it you become less alone because the adult you can understand the emotions of your child inside and so give her empathy for herself. Of course, it would be great fun to meet more people who are also aware of their childhoods’ pain but even if this is not so easy, it is not impossible.