what should I do?
Tuesday December 25, 2007
Dear Alice Miller,
yesterday it was for me a very strange experience. I met a woman after having chatted on the
web for some days. I am on the way of knowing my true self and to understand entirely my
body’s signals. We started to talk about our experience, she told that she had an experience
of psychotherapy lasted one year. I told her that I am deeply absorbed in your works and we
talked also about the need of loving our parents. In fact she said: “eventually you must
accept your parents and they must accept you”. This contradicts your discoveries, and
contradicts my experience of this last period. After we left I went back home. I felt
strange. I began feeling “normal” again. I know intellectually the reason for that: because
she gave me the usual reassurances and the usal theories, but in a gentle and kind manner,
reinforced by the fact that she had gone on psychotherapy. I felt my mind befogged. But I felt also a feeling of joy (for having found a friend, a good friend I thought) which couldn’t
spread inside me, because there was something that blocked that joy. So i recollected that
emotion to when I was young, when It was my birthdady and my parents had organized a party
for me. It was the same joy blocked in me of when I received some presents. So I gave me this
explanation: my unconscious blocked that joy because he knows that it’s not presents that I
needed, but the true LOVE AND COMPREHENSION that my mother had never given me. Now I still feel “normal” and it seems that I’ve lost all the abilities that I started to have, that is a
true comprehension of myself and others. In fact I had begun to look at people and to
perceive new emotions covered in them, as if I was able to see and understand the abandoned
child prisoned in them…Now I have only a memory of that new ability, and I’m really down
because I lost it. But I think that the cause may be this: I am still trying to find
comprehension in a person who can’t, this new friend, but I say to myself that if I spoke to her
about my all sensation and I was ready to give up to this new friendship, maybe I could go
back on my way and continueing to look for my true self and to understand my body’s signals, something that I had started to do and that really worked!
I need a help, what should I do?
Thank you, thank you so much, S.
AM: Continue to listen to your feelings and to understand what they are telling you. You seem to have made good experiences with that. Why should you abandon yourself again for new illusions?