I’d like to be less angry

I’d like to be less angry
Thursday February 22, 2007

Dear Alice Miller,
I am a 45 year old woman, and I am working to care for and value myself. I have a core of shame inside me which is the result of being in the custody of two abusive narcissists for the first 18 years of my life. As a result of their abuse, I actually feel ashamed when somebody treats me badly! I’m not okay with feeling shame for someone elses bad behavior and I’m working to straighten things out in my mind. I have missed out on a lot in life because of the fear, anger and mistrust they instilled in me; such as close friends and a healthy marriage. My brother, who I love, has missed out on even more. I don’t like being so angry because it makes me feel bad. I feel anger at minor things strangers do. I know it’s really anger about the exploitation I suffered as a child. Do you often feel angry at your abusive parents? Do you have any suggestions on how I can lessen my anger?

Thank you, C. B.

AM: If you are angry you have reasons to be angry, but you may be afraid to recognize them. When you have felt your anger and know what it triggers in your memory it will leave you. Your body doesn’t lie.