parental control of sexuality

parental control of sexuality
Saturday November 17, 2007

Ok, let me try. I’m the youngest of three children of a not very successful marriage. I realized recently that both my mother and father delegated the role of spouse in me, so that I grew up being my mother’s husband and my father’s wife. I live in Boston now, they are in Argentina, and still when they have something difficult to say to each other they use me as their intercom. When there are important decisions that need to be made about their lives they run then by me (specially my mother).

During adolescence there was no room for my emotions or individual pursuits. I always adapted to what was needed of me. Sexuality was a subject that could not be brought up directly or indirectly and I grew up with the conviction that even thinking about it was a something horrible … I had my first boyfriend when I was 25, and he died in an accident, then I entered a series of low-commitment relationships when men who were older than me. Then I started choosing men my age but emotionally unavailable …

Behind all that there was always the same profile of relating to men who needed me. Looking back I see I never knew what my needs were. Now I know better, still don’t feel I’m entitled to ask for help to meet them.

I feel I’m still relating to my parents, trying to break free from the bongade and not finding the way to do it. My question for you revolved around that. In the hope that you could give me a different “lead” …

Thanks, B.

AM: Do you know my book “The Drama of the GIFTED CHILD”?