I never see anyone express emotions like me

I never see anyone express emotions like me
Thursday February 08, 2007

Hello Alice. Your books and research and outlook on preventing child abuse have been such a deep help in making me feel sane. I now have a counselor who really encourages me to let out all the pain and outrage at my incestuous past which is just now at 53 being revealed to me. I also have had emotional and physical torments my family put me through. BUT my main question is why in all the 12 step groups I go to, do I never see anyone let out their pain or rage? It is as if “RECOVERY” is in looking and speaking positive at all times. The more I squelch my pain and join the “sound good” people, the more others say “oh you are so much better!” The truth is I am getting so much better because I have dared to get out my honest gut pain. But at the time I am doing this, I look crazy to the others. Like you say, there are such levels to this deep pain and anger and I am always finding hidden abusive incidents I blocked from my mind. Now I feel if I need to let out more pain, I must hide in my room and not let anyone see me that way for fear of “not being accepted” by the group. I have depended on these 12 step groups for 23 years and I find myself fearing I can never be real in them anymore. I must stay glued to an “I feel good at all times” image.
Do you have any suggestions? Sometimes I feel like I can be a leader by showing them to be real and get it out, and at other times because nobody else is doing this, I feel like the sickest one in the group, and they treat me that way.
It is very sad that in so many support groups, the tremendous hurts and betrayals that made us addicted can not even be addressed. It is sad. Is my whole addiction now the need for others approval? My family ignored all my pain and it feels like a 2nd betrayal to have people in my 12 step groups do this.
Thanks for all your intelligent research and sharing it with this world. I feel we are so far away from knowing how to raise our children in a nonviolent way……this means to me that we are far away from world peace. WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU DETERMINED TO RAISE OUR AWARENESS ON HOW TO TREAT LITTLE PEOPLE RIGHT FROM THE START, I FEEL SOME HOPE FOR ALL OF US. You have helped me more than any other author in the whole world, and I read a lot!
Love to you with so much respect,
M. C.

AM: You seem to be recovering from the brainwashing of the 12 step groups and this is not easy indeed. But you are becoming a feeling person and this will give you real strength. You dare to feel and to have your OWN thoughts. Congratulations.