Alone but not separated from oneself
Friday October 16, 2009
Dear Dr Miller
The other day I found a copy of your book, The Wall of Silence, and I would like to thank you for writing it, as well as your other books.
Eight years ago I finally cut off all contact with my mother after a lifetime of taking abuse from her. This has provoked the most irrational and unpleasant responses from so-called friends and curious strangers. At first I was hurt by their responses. They would tell me with great indignation that THEY had wonderful mothers as if my estrangement from my mother were disputing this. These people were otherwise logical, educated and intelligent. These days I don’t consider such people my friends.
However, a couple of months ago, a young man I work with on Community Radio, told me he found it offensive that I always pounced on fresh copies of The Jewish Times in the hope of finding my mother’s death notice in them. When I asked him why this offended him, he said he loved his parents. So when I said I loved his parents too, he didn’t know how to respond to this and looked at me like a goldfish.
Now he smiles when I grab the paper and deliberately wave it under his nose.
I consider it a job well done that I have broken through the wall to reach at least one person. Unfortunately, if I did indeed find my mother’s death notice, I don’t think it would give me as much satisfaction.
Once again, thank you for writing this book. It’s great to feel some moral support.
AM: Yes, there are not many who have the courage to see their truth, and this makes you FEEL alone. But since you really understand yourself you ARE less alone than before.