Karma and abuse
Saturday August 11, 2007
What are your thoughts on Buddhism and karma? I experienced extreme physical and mental/emotional abuse by a step father which my mother condoned through silence. Also some minor sexual abuse by a relative. For some reason I’m only just admitting this to myself within the last year, although I have awful scars covering my legs from being beaten with extension cords and belts, somehow I managed to repress these memories until recently after I suffered a breakdown of sorts. As a woman, I don’t have much confidence, although I’m learning to fake it until I gain it.
It’s actually quite freeing to no longer feel crazy or act out neurotically, I realize I was under going much self deception in order to survive.
Now, at 29, I find myself going down this path of Buddhism and karma as a way to make sense of the abuse. Basicaly believing that my spirit chose this hardship as a way of compensating for past(lives) errors. My mind has to find a logical reason for the pain other than just blaming the abuser. He has little concern for me and calls his abuse of me “discipline.” I make an effort to not think of him or my mother. While Buddhism is comforting to a degree, its austerity is harsh as you are told that you should be thankful for any insult or abuse because abusers are teachers and we deserve whatever we get–to put it bluntly.
As far as finding spiritual validation for the abuse , would you say that it is another form of denial? T.
AM: Yes, of course I would say that. It is not only denial, it is brain washing in the most dangerous way.