What is hatred?
Thursday August 31, 2006
I just wanted to say that I am a fan of your work, especially ‘What is Hatred?,” for it is so relevant to my life. I cannot fully explain the frustration I feel when I come across self-help books-and counselors-that want to have us believe that we should not feel anger. That if we only chose to think about it a different way, we would feel less angry.
How on earth else is one supposed to look some of life’s situations, such as mine, in which I developed a spanking fetish at the age of four and suffers from severe encopresis, both of which are stigmatized illnesses for which the blame is placed on the victim? (Encopresis is a bowel disorder, which, in its later stages, like mine, is characterised by episodes of persistent leaking of the contents of the bowels and massive, paralyzing cramps.)
The baby was born a pervert. That girl soils herself because she simply isn’t paying attention. Do they expect me to be happy about these false accusations by adults who have power over me, and have the power to hurt me if I protest and try to protect myself from unwarranted punishment? They talk patronizingly, or in a shaming tone of voice, at you, if you are angry and cannot overcome it.
Still speaking of hatred, I believe that a little fire, or anger, is an essential ingredient to fighting for what is best for you, or for others, or for what it right. It drives you even when you are down. And I must say, that whenever I tell the story of my spanking fetish, I cannot help but hate those people that deride me, and arrogantly and ignorantly continue to spank their children, believing that this could never happen to them. I hate those people who have little knowledge on any subject but form opinions on that subject anyway, sometimes even helping make policy decisions that affect millions of lives, based on nothing at all. I think it is my anger that keeps me going in the face of such derision. I want to do whatever it takes to drive my point home, and you cannt to that with a weak heart.
Again, I cannot thank you enough for writing what you write, especially that one piece. For a long time, I could find no one who understood that ridding onself of anger is not that easy! Were it that easy, everyone would do it in a flash, but it does not work that way, and for a reason!
AM: You write: “I want to do whatever it takes to drive my point home, and you cannot do that with a weak heart.” You are right; the anger is often our protector from blindness, cowardice, cooperating with cruelty. Your illness is a language. Can it be that it wants to make you aware that your anger toward your parents is justified and should not be withhold?