The courage to see and to feel

The courage to see and to feel
Saturday December 31, 2005

Never thought breaking away from controlling parents(father in
particular) would result in having no one to share thoughts with.
Like Schiller, in The Body Never Lies, section I article 2, to quote my
father(letter 1986) “You were always a contented baby.”(I have memories
of it being that way) however at about age 2&1/2 my father it seems, I
would say now, realized that I had more of a mind of my own than he
could live with and to quote my mother years later when my father was
admiring how well behaved my children were, out of the blue, so to
speak, said: “Dad spanked Evan so hard once I thought he was going to
kill him.” I didn’t know what it was for. Learned years later from my
father’s mother quote: I ‘conquered’ Jimmy(my father) when he was very
young and he always did what I told him. I was certainly ‘conquered’ as
my father never had to touch me again.

AM: The child you once were, the child living in your body, will become less alone than he was before – when you didn’t know anything about how you had been made “happy” and obedient. Now you become more and more aware of what happenned to you, how cruelly you were treated and you begin to feel empathy for this silenced child, you start to love him, to protect him and to explain him that knowledge is not a mortal danger. On the contrary, it will help you, the adult and the child, to leave the prison of denial and blindness. I wish you the courage to see and to feel. It is all you need.