my definition of myself
Wednesday November 21, 2007
Dear Alice Miller,
I write this letter with both sadness and gratitude. I just read ‘The Body Never Lies’, and I see more clearly how I have confused some definition of what is required for one’s wellbeing with some false idea of love and reconcilliation, particularly with my mother. I am the youngest of seven children, and have been cursed with being my mother’s “favourite”. I say “cursed” because I have been so completely confused over the years at how she and I can supposedly be so “close” and she doesn’t seem to see me at all. It’s now occurred to me that I have internalized her definition so I could remain “close” to her. But her definition also packs a curious disregarding of my being, and much of what I value as a being.
I am 46 years old, and only now am coming to terms with this. The circumstances around facing it are extreme and overwhelming at times, but I’m thankful for them.
Thank you for your help, and all the best, L.
AM: You write: “…her definition also packs a curious disregarding of my being, and much of what I value as a being.” I think that this insight could be enough for taking action and for your liberation from the child-like attachment. What you needed in childhood is not the same as what you need today.