Forethought and hindsight
Monday February 12, 2007
Dear Dr. Miller,
I wrote a few months ago a letter you answered and this is the follow-up: It was in regards to me feeling paranoid about the intentions of my therapist. I continued working with him through my doubt, to see where my feelings were coming from and to see if I could learn more. After wrangling with my intense feelings of anger and not feeling supported even though words were said to sooth me, I sensed my therapist had issues with me that he couldn’t/wouldn’t voice. He grew increasingly hostile as I tried to verify my feelings with no luck, the issue being passed to me with no clarification in how to deal with them and thus inducing guilt that I should already know how to deal with this anger. When I questioned his defensiveness he said this was my therapy not his. He could not be authentic as I posed a threat to him and he had to maintain control and authority. It was very confusing.
But then I realized he couldn’t show me how to deal with the anger because he hadn’t dealt with his own anger thoroughly. It became crystal clear. I came to him to be able to deal with these issues and he grew more and more hostile as these issues came to the forefront. I broke off our therapy after having invested, once again, thousands of dollars paid out of pocket. It was a valuable lesson although not one I bargained for.
The foundation had been established with your support for my feelings initially, so that I could at least recognize the truth, even if I took so much time seeing it clearly. Thank you again. I have read all your books and welcome you printing this.
AM: If you were able to come in touch with your anger in this short time, the many dollars you had to pay were worthwhile. Prisons are full of people who kill but can’t feel their anger, and they kill BECAUSE they are unable to feel.