Leaving the denial
Saturday January 24, 2009
Hello I am a new reader of Allice Miller´s work.
The first book I had in my hands was Bradshaw on: THe Family and he did reference several times about Alice Miller, so by curiosity I bought the body never lies and then The truth will set you free.
Is strange to me how my mentality has been changing, first I denied what I was reading in the book saying it only happened in the extreme cases, reading like as a espectator denying the feelings and denying that could happen to me or my family. Then in some moment I was a hard judge of Alice thinking she was so bothered and to write the books was the way to shout and being listened, that she was in a battle carrying a flag and in the flag were her own feelings and thoughts and in her hand was a finger aiming accusingly to the parents to the causes of its mix-ups, thinking to where it took all that shaped inner battle in a book ( that was how I saw it) soon I recognized where came from that ideas and why I was thinking in that way.( my education, my formation, my moral)
Suddenly in my head the ideas settle down and I began to confront the true reality, that is what Alice was talking about, was not the adapted reality, was not the imagined reality, was not the thought reality, was not the justified reality, was not the idealize reality.
I had to confront the facts simply and pure facts, the true thing, the naked truth, to see without prejudices, concepts or morality the real truth, the real reality.
I understood how the false reality suppresses, hides, masks, camouflage, does not repair.
And suddenly could see how it hits in all the people who this within our life.
How the false door influences my life. I could see why it had let dominate to me by my husband, my fiance, my political family, the men, my own family, the women, a stranger, my teacher, my partner, the stranger in the street, my boss, my “friends” my own enemy…that voice that always was saying me that I was wrong and I had something bad, judging me even in my dreams.
I saw that Alice was not accusing the parents; was accusing our habits, our form to live, our inheritances, our customs. Not the good ones, the bad ones.
Those bad ones that nobody one talk seriously and nobody want to confront by apathy, custom, comfort, ignorance or trying to catch the perfection to fit with the others.
Alice only wants open our brain and eyes!
I wrote something some time ago and after to read the books is like I read it by the first time, I wrote some words for a friend who was in difficult time but now I see that I wrote to myself but only I could understand it with the help of Alice. We have the true reality within reach of our hand, I had the reality in my hands but I didn´t see it clearly. Even Alice is in a book is a companion in the labyrinth of the ideas, thoughts and feelings.
Was a hand that gave me force to retake my own I and knowledge that was not crazy, bad or decomposed, was not wrong to see the reality like the pure reality. Trust in what my eyes see, trust in what my ears hear, trust in what my body perceive and feel. Trust in my inner compass, in my wise inner voice.
Thank you Alice to write your books and to return the view to me, I am not blind anymore.
The real love.
Give me your solitude to fill it with
Give me your time to fill it with happines.
Give me your body to take it next
to me always.
Give me your soul then my soul worth
more next yours.
Give me your sadness to alleviate
Give me all your tears until you don´t
have anything to cry and this way
fill your life with my life.
Let me touch your lips so
they tell me about your heart.
I want learn to understand you.
I want know how listen to you.
I desire to see with your eyes the things
that for you have importance.
Let me learn of your beautiful human nature.
I will have to read every day of my life to me and to my daughter.Thank you again.
AM: You are discribing your path from denial to awareness. I think that many can benefit from your description. Thank you.