the unfelt pain

the unfelt pain
Monday May 12, 2008

Dear Alice Miller,

I think I’ve written to you once before, but I’m not sure if you ever got my email. Anyway, I feel the need to write to get my pain off my mind. I am stuck in my past even though I am now 53 years old. Both of my parents were extremely cruel and abusive. So were my brothers and sister. I was totally rejected in my family. There was no one I could talk to. I had no enlightened witness. Kids in the neighborhood and at school ridiculed and teased me. I ended up living as a victim for most of my adult life. Some years ago, I did have a wonderful support group, but that lasted only 2 years and the people who went no longer attend.

I still feel very alone in this world. No one understands me. I feel like I don’t belong on this planet and never did. I did make an unsuccessful suicide attempt many years ago, but haven’t tried to again. Life doesn’t seem worth living……’s just difficult and nothing else………

AM: In my opinion, if you want “to get your pain off your mind,” you become empty, suicidal and alone even with yourself. If you can FEEL your pain about having been treated so cruelly by your parents and siblings you become vital, living with your history and being in movement into recovery. The FELT pain doesn’t last forever, but the UNFELT PAIN of the little child you were insists on being heard. Try to listen to her.