Alice Miller

	home \| edito \| flyers \| books \| articles \| interviews \| paintings \| readers' mail \| open letters \| links \| forum Contact information JULY 2008 JUNE 2008 MAY 2008 APRIL 2008 MARCH 2008 FEBRUARY 2008 JANUARY 2008 DECEMBER 2007 NOVEMBER 2007 OCTOBER 2007 SEPTEMBER 2007 AUGUST 2007 JULY 2007 JUNE 2007 MAY 2007 APRIL 2007 MARCH 2007 FEBRUARY 2007 JANUARY 2007 DECEMBER 2006 NOVEMBER 2006 OCTOBER 2006 SEPTEMBER 2006 AUGUST 2006 JULY 2006 JUNE 2006 MAY 2006 APRIL 2006 MARCH 2006 FEBRUARY 2006 JANUARY 2006 DECEMBER 2005 NOVEMBER 2005 OCTOBER 2005 SEPTEMBER 2005 AUGUST 2005 JULY 2005 writing you from Spain Thursday July 03, 2008 Dear Mrs. Miller, I wrote to you not too long ago, first of all, thanking you for the wonderful books you have written, for being so open, honest, frank and sincere about child abuse and for understanding the pain and suffering of those who have been through these terrible experiences. I am one of those who were terribly abused. Of course, when I read the stories of other people in your web site, I think that my case was quite mild in comparison to theirs, but nevertheless, each and every one of us who has been under the control and manipulation of abusive parents, knows of one´s suffering, whether it is very little compared to others, or too much compared to others. My name is Vida, and I don't mind you publishing my name. I am 58 years old now and come originally from Iran, a country where a woman means nothing at all. I was brought up by an extremely abusive father in all the extent of the word: both physical and psychological. He has had all his life incestuous ideas with me and in order to control himself for raping me he would say things like: Vida, when are you going to die (this every time he would see me) or nobody is going to marry you or love you because you have horrible boobs (breasts). Even married he would tell me that he could not understand how my husband was not disgusted touching me, because he would feel disgusted to touch me. I could go on and on but these are just examples of the things he used to say to me, not to mention beating and insulting. My mother, a completely neurotic depressive woman who hs also been abused by my father all her life, still defends him strongly and doesnt want to believe that he has tried to abuse of me sexually. She hates me ever since I was small and cannot tolerate my independent personality, my strength and courage to rebel against their abusive behaviour. She has always been extremely nasty to me and although she has never abused of me physically, she has done it perfectly with her tongue which sometimes I think is worse. To be honest with you, not only I cannot forgive them for their behaviour in as much as they have also given me a good material life and money, but all I can think of is: I wish they were dead. This is the only thing I can think of when it comes to them. I have done years and years of psychoterapy in order to overcome all the abuse I have gone through which has caused me to have "fibromyalgia" (extreme pain in my whole body) but I cannot get rid of the idea that the only thing I would like to see is that they are dead. For the past 3 years I have ignored them, not had any contact with them, and even though recently I had some contact with my mother, I feel disgusted when I see her and physically it makes me sick to be next to her. Can you help me to see how I can overcome these terrible feelings I have of sadness, hatred, anger, rage and disgust to be near them, so much that the only thing I want is for them to be dead. I hope you can publish my letter in your web site and I will look everyday for your response. Thank you for your kind attention and once again my deepest gratitude for your wonderful books which have helped me so much. Kind regards from Spain, Vida AM: I think that you clearly see what you must see to liberate yourself from the terrible pain. But I hope that one day you will be able to feel your (justified) anger and rage without feeling guilty. The pain is the expression of your taking upon yourself the guilt that others should feel. Even if they refuse to feel it, you should know that it is them who deserve the pain and not you. You were an innocent victim, don't forget that. Top © 2008 Alice Miller - all rights reserved. Legal information. Website design.

writing you from SpainThursday July 03, 2008

writing you from Spain
Thursday July 03, 2008